Wobbly Faith. BIG God.

I have struggled. I have prayed. I have cried. I have prayed. I have wrestled. I have prayed. I have knocked. I have prayed. All in the name of ministry. No one told me stepping out in this radical calling would be so hard and take everything I have. Oh the passion that consumes my soul. The lives of so many young girls hang in the balance. They need hope. They need healing. They need Jesus.

 

And I wanted to know WHY. Why aren’t these visions you gave me happening? Why are other ministries growing while I feel like I am constantly taking two steps forward only to fall again. Why Lord?

 

And through that still small voice I heard the Lord speak.

 

 “Amanda, how old is Broken Within? (It will be a year old next month Lord, so 11 months?) “Right, and what is an 11 month old able to do? Are they able to walk? Run? Speak? Some do, yes. But most are just learning to walk. Most wobble as they take those first few steps. They see the prize on the other side and they want with everything inside them to get to that goal, and so they stand and take a few wobbly steps only to fall again. But they get back up and try again with so much excitement you think they would burst.  Sure there is frustration in not being able to run and get to the prize quicker. But the process of learning to walk is sometimes more important than the goal.

And the same is true with you my child. I notice every wobbly step of faith you take. And I beam with proudness. I know that you want to start running and someday you will be able too. But right now allow me to help you learn to walk in this calling. Allow me to hold your hand and lead you to where you need to go. Allow yourself and this ministry to mature in My timing and trust that I birthed this ministry inside of you and I will bring it to completion. "

 

Ah. What a sweet and precious moment with My Jesus. I am sure people on the highway thought I was crazy with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t care. My Jesus was there. He was real. He hadn’t forgotten me. He hadn’t overlooked me. He hadn’t ignored my pleas. He wasn’t mad at me for doubting. He had come. He had spoken right into the depths of my soul. And I was ever so grateful.

 

The Lord has done such incredible things through Broken Within these past 11 months and I have literally watched this baby of mine grow. There have been times of sheer exhaustion.  Times of wishing someone else would lighten my load. So I could just rest. Times of rushing through those precious “baby” moments to get to the bigger stuff. Oh but how I yearn to cherish the “in the moment” with my “toddler”.

 

By watching God’s love encourage so many young girls. Seeing real and authentic friendships being born. Allowing God’s hope and healing transform lives. It’s not about me or the things I have done or will do in this ministry.

 

It’s about JESUS. It’s all about Him.

 

 

 

 

 And there is also YOU.

 

 I have known from the time God “conceived” BWM in my soul. That this ministry was never to be a one woman show. That I could never do the things God was calling me to do alone. I needed like-minded women to link arms with me and God has been so faithful to send those women my way. BWM has welcomed writers, mentors and prayer partners on our team. And what a treasure you are to me. Thank you for your willingness to serve and make a difference in the lives of precious young girls.

 

But I also know that not everyone is called to write, speak, mentor or pray for this ministry but I do believe that everyone has a place in this beautiful community and I want to give you an opportunity to invest if you feel called to do so.

 

Up to this point I have avoided asking for financial help for Broken Within projects. Until the Lord made it clear it’s not about money. It’s about linking arms and giving YOU your place in this ministry. And It’s about Real lives. Lives of precious young girls who so desperately need the healing and hope of Jesus.

 

 

And in this season of Broken Within there are two (wobbly) steps of faith the Lord is calling me to.

 

1^st: To step out and start a Teen MOPS program in the Triad. This will be the first Teen MOPS program in the Triad and the second in the state of NC. The need is so great and as a former Teen Mom it is an honor to step out and pour into the lives of these precious young moms and encourage and equip them to take their place as mothers who pour into their children with the love of Jesus. But in order to do that they first have to be poured into. It will take a team of passionate women to run this program. But the first step I need to take is to purchase the curriculum and pay for the charter fee.

 2^nd To attend the She Speaks Conference in July. I have known about this conference for a few years, but never felt called to attend until this year. This is a season of growth for me and this ministry. There is so much I have yet to learn about this calling. So much to learn about investing, teaching, speaking and writing so that I can be better equipped to pour into the precious young girls God places in my life. It would be such an honor and blessing to attend this conference and receive all that God has in store for me as I sit in His presence.

 

And to be able to take those first steps toward these two callings. I will need to raise a total of
$ 1,324.

·        $400 for the Teen MOPS curriculum and charter fee.

·        $ 925 for the She Speaks Conference( Includes Hotel, Pre Conference/Conference materials and Meals)

 ( You can learn more about these ministries in the links below.)

Teen MOPS Program: http://www.mops.org/page.php?pageid=85

She Speaks Conference: http://shespeaksconference.com/shespeaks/

 

If you would like to link arms with me and invest in Broken Within in this way you can do so here:

And know that YOU are so incredibly vital to me and the lives of so many young girls that will be blessed by your gift. I can’t even begin to describe the impact your gift will have in this ministry and from the bottom of my heart; I want to say THANK YOU for choosing to join the BWM team in this way! May God bless you!

 

~Amanda

 

 

Back at it again!

After much prayer and seeking a way to raise money for future Broken Within projects.The season has come for me to use what’s in my hand ( My camera ) and begin to use my gift of photography to bless others!!  Yea! AND I am SO excited to announce that I now have the opportunity to do both Weekday and Saturday appointments!!  Which means my session price will be DRASTICALLY reduced!! 

 

Sessions are now available from 8-11:30am M-F  and 8-1pm (Saturdays)

NEW Session Prices:

$35 ( 30 min session)

$65 ( 1 hr session)

 

Please see my website for session details  and to book your session!

 www.amandasmithphotos.com

I am SO looking forward to seeing all your smiling faces again soon!!

It's only Friday...

I tried to make sense of what happened today.  They were so innocent, so young and their lives were taken for no reason.

 I cried out to God. WHY? Why do these things happen? It just doesn’t make sense. There is no reason for things like this to happen.

 

And through His still small voice I heard Him say. But what if there was a reason? What if there is more to this story than just the tragedy of today?

 

The disciples knew tragedy well. On that dark Friday they mourned the death of not just their friend but their Savior. Jesus had told them He would return, but in that moment of tragedy they too were consumed in their grief. I am sure they had the same questions we are asking. Why? Why put an innocent man to death? There is just no reason for all of this.

 Oh but there was a reason.

 God Himself watched His own Son be murdered on that cross, because He knew something the disciples didn’t know.

 

Sunday was coming.

 

He knew the ending. He knew how the whole story would be played out. He knew that even though we may mourn for a while, Joy comes in the morning.

 

As we all mourn today over the lives of those precious children whose lives were taken. May we be reminded that their Sunday has come. They are dancing on the streets of heaven today. Walking hand and hand with their Savior.

 

May we lift our heads up to that same God who grieved His own innocent Son’s death and be reminded that He knows how this story will play out, even when we don’t. Let us not dwell on this Friday’s tragedy but live in a time of ceaseless prayer for God’s ultimate Christmas gift to be delivered to those who need it most tonight. God came down all those years ago to save a world in desperate need of a Savior.

 

And through that gift He still whispers…Lift your head up dear one. Today is only Friday, Sunday is coming.

 

 

 

 

Date with God...

This retreat was created for moms who have been called to Adopt, Are in the process of Adoption or have already adopted…So I went into this weekend thinking ok, I am going to learn how to be a Adoptive mom and how to best take care of the children God places in our family. And I did learn A LOT about adoption. Things I am still processing and I am sure will be future blog posts;-)...But what I wanted to share with you is what God really had in mind when He called me to this retreat…

And my prayer is that His presence is so powerfully felt through this post that you too are drawn in to be apart of this incredible experience...


When I walked into this lodge, the presence of God was so powerfully felt, I knew that there was more to this weekend than just to learn about Adoption...And so I followed Him...

I followed Him into worship and watched as all 450 women around me disappeared and it was just my Jesus and Me... And I worshiped my King from a place of raw intimate love, a love that I never really experience before. It came from a place in my heart that was so raw, so vulnerable, and so broken. But that had been hidden and locked away... And as I allowed Him access to those places of my heart, He poured out His love upon my soul in such overwhelming amounts that it literally took my breath away...


I followed Him into the conversations of the moms around me, and watched how He hand picked every single woman I would come in contact with to inspire, challenge, encourage and comfort me.

I followed Him as we walked around this amazing lake together and He spoke to me throughout nature. Reminding me of who He was and how creative He is and how much He cares about each and every detail of His Creations...


I followed Him in so many ways over the course of this weekend, but there is one time, that I didn't follow Him, but instead He waited for me to arrive...


There was this special event called a "Date with God" and you signed up for your special time and then show up for your "date"...And so I eagerly went not knowing what to expect...

And I will never forget what I experienced as I walked into that room... There He stood waiting anxiously for me to arrive...My Beautiful King...And He took me by my arm and escorted me into His presence and His love...

He first led me to the painting station and He asked me to paint the image that He sees when He looks at me, I painted a sun and a bride dressed in white...He then lead me to the station where there was tons of pillows and I just crawled up in His lap and just rested...I allowed Him for the first time in a long time to hold me, rock me, comfort me, sing over me, caress my hair and wipe away my tears. In that moment there was no agenda, no responsibilities. All my other titles disappeared and I was just His child and He was my Daddy. He began to show me that He brought me to this retreat to uncover all those locked away hurts...The hurts of isolation, abandonment, anger, bitterness, fear and neglect...And that He wasn't uncovering all this to bring about more pain, but to remind me what it felt like to be an orphan child in desperate need of someone to Adopt me...

And He was my daddy who loved me so much that He went to the gates of Hell to bring me into His family not because of what I could do for Him but because of this incredible love He has for me and couldn't fathom the thought of ever living without me...

He IS my Beautiful King, My Daddy, and the Father to the Fatherless, and oh how I love Him so...

* Sweet friends, PLEASE don't skip over listening to this song! It is so beautiful, so intimate, so powerful, And I promise, you don't want to miss it!*

Redeemed. Restored. Remade.

As I celebrated my 30th birthday, God took me on a journey back through my twenties and just how much of a blessing it is to be in this new season of my life!


And it started with being...




REDEEMED:

God redeemed so much of the mess I made out of my twenties. Satan knew I had a tremendous calling on my life to minister to so many and so he stopped at nothing to destroy it. From numerous affairs, eating disorders, bitterness, depression, anxiety and anger. Much of my twenties were spent as the prodigal child. Running from the God who loved me and finding pleasure in my own selfish desires. But God never gave up on me, He ALWAYS knew where to find me and pursued me with an everlasting love and heard my cry and pulled me up out of that slimy pit and gave my feet a firm place to stand!



Now that I was out of the pit it was time to be...


RESTORED:

And praise His name I am out and the pit is no longer my home! But the gunk from the pit, still covered me from head to toe and it was going to take some time to remove it, just as it takes months even years to restore an old car to its original state, so was the same with me. And so I began the long process of Restoration:

· 1.) Make a strategy of how to do it and how to start. Always have a plan before you start. * God had a strategy alright! HIS WORD and He wooed me back into His love letter and showed me His AMAZING plan for my life!


2. Start with the engine. Try to remove most parts and replace them with little parts. Keep as many parts of the engine as possible. Devote a day or two of cleaning the engine.
* God started with my engine..My heart, He began to remove what didn't need to be there anymore( the rust of bitterness and anger and the dents of loneliness, depression, anxiety) and even though the sanding and hammering was painful at times it was worth it as He began to replace those defects with Himself(Love,Joy,Peace,Long suffering,Kindness,Goodness,Faithfulness,Gentleness,Self-control)

Until I was….


REMADE:

3.Give style to your car. Get inside, clean it out, try a new radio, steering wheel, and maybe even clutch or transmission if you need.

· God gave me a radio alright! He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. He has remade me and my life in SO many ways I don’t even know where to begin! Am I perfect? Hardly! But the one who IS perfect dwells inside me and that gives me a promise until the day when I will be completely REMADE into the image of Christ. And until then, my life will forever be dedicated to the lover of my soul and the amazing calling He has placed on my life so that many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him!

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus Philippians 3:13–14

And with that I say HELLO 30s!! Its gonna one AWESOME ride with the Lord!!

"Portable Brain"

If you are like me then your life is a collection of crazy blessed chaos and its hard to find time to "think" let alone process those thoughts! And I kept getting lost in doing what needed to be done, that when God would speak to my heart about an idea for homeschooling, emails, ministry, writing etc. I would make sure to make a mental note to remember to get to it and then realize a few days later that I had forgot what I was suppose to do! Uggh! Anyone else??...


I also began to realize that the closer I get to 30( which is only 12 days, 288 hours, 17280 minutes and 1036800 seconds away) But hey who's counting?!;-) That my brain just isn't retaining info like it used to..Gotta love aging!;-)






I was going to bed with my mind racing with thoughts, ideas, plans, etc and finding it hard to fall asleep!...Oh how I needed a "dumping" place for all these thoughts!







And this is when my "Portable Brain" was invented...









* Sketch Book: Of course I decorated the cover! Because well my portable brain has to reflect the real one, and the real one surely isn't boring!...I gotta AMEN to that from the hubby! hehe;-)


* Tabs: Which so far are labeled with the different categories Homeschooling, Adoption, Writing, Ministries)


* Post it Notes: When the Lord brings a thought, idea etc to my mind, I can write it down on a post it note, so I won't forget!




Ahhhhhhhhhh, Its in the little things that true blessings are found!! And I swear I heard a THANK YOU from my "real" brain..hehe!;-)

Marathon in the Kitchen;-)

I completed my first marathon today! It wasn't your typical running marathon though( even though the way my feet and back ache it sure feels like it ha!)





I completed my first KITCHEN MARATHON...

And the Menu includes:

Breakfast:

* Chocolate Chip Pancakes

* French Toast Sticks

* Apple Coffee Cake

* Cinamon Raisin Muffins

* Chocolate Pumpkin Bread

* Oatmeal Bake

Lunch:

* Pizza Snackers

* Italian Chicken Strips

* Make-Ahead Sandwiches

* Italian Chicken Roll-Ups

* Cheesey Crisps

*Pizza Meat Loaf Cups

Dinner:

* Double Meatloaf

* Turkey Meatball Soup

* Southwestern Casserole

* Slow-Cooked Chunky Chili

* Veggie Lasagna

* Breaded Chicken Patties

* Sloppy Joes

Oh and can't forget the Oatmeal Cookies!:-)


And it only took me 8 hours to complete it all!;-)

I wanted to make 2 weeks worth of food( breakfasts, lunches and dinners) first, because I knew that is about all my freezer could hold!;-)


I found a awesome cookbook called Taste of Home Freezer Pleasers:

And it is AWESOME because almost all of the recipes are double! So I was cranking out two meals per recipe! THATS how I got finished in 8 hours;-) AND I had a few recipes going at the same time..It was pure craziness but SOOOO WORTH IT!!!:-)