Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I choose to be grateful

"You have a decision to make. You can be angry for the time you missed or grateful for the time you had"

A hundred times I have watched this movie.

 Every single time God speaks a new message.

This was mine in this season. My heart hurts. God spoke.

Newborn smell. Middle of the night feedings. Cuddles.

First tooth. First steps. First Word.

Big hugs. Snuggles. Holding my hand.

When I look at my boy. My heart aches. I have missed so much of his life.

I wasn't there to rock him at night, to stare into his little eyes and have him wrap his little finger around mine.

God was there.

I wasn't there when he got his first tooth or took his first steps.

God was there.

I wasn't there to take care of him when he got his first boo boo.

God was there.

I didn't get to tuck him in a night and tell him how much I loved him.

God did.

As much as it breaks my heart to know that I have missed out on so much of my boys life. So much that I will never get back. Never know.

I am grateful that Jesus has ALWAYS been there. Always loving my boy FOR me.

Preparing his precious heart to receive me as his Momma someday.

And now...

I have been incredibly BLESSED to watch him love on my boy THROUGH me.

I get to be the one who...

watches him read God's word.

  rubs head

watches him ride his bike

learns about his interests.

gets his hugs.

I had a decision to make. Be angry for the time I have missed with my boy or be grateful for the time I do have with him.

And I am choosing to be GRATEFUL. So very grateful.

So many firsts yet to be experienced with him. So many hugs left to give. So many memories waiting to be made.

And I am grateful.

So very grateful. That this precious boy now calls me...


"A child born to another woman calls me Mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me"