Tuesday, July 8, 2014

All of me...

I have went back and forth on whether to blog about our hosting experience. So many friends asking if I would so they could follow along.

And my biggest drawback was keeping up with it everyday. I do good to get photos and short summary on Facebook everyday.

And then today happened. And I felt God nudging me to share more in detail of this beautiful story. ALL of it.

It was one of the first tough days we have had in our hosting V. It wasn't a horrible day. Just a lot of uncomfortable stretching for us both.

Testing. Resistance. Withdraw.

That was pretty much the pattern with V today. He tested my limits. I stayed firm in my word. He resisted it and withdrew.

And I was getting mentally and physically  exhausted and I had to constantly ask God to put myself in his shoes...

What if I...

Was in a new country. Surrounded by people speaking a foreign language at me and around me all day. Leaving all my friends and freedoms. Learning what it means to live in a family. Feeling loved and accepted for the first time.


That's what my boy is feeling. He's struggling between clinging to all he's ever known and this embracing this NEW love. NEW hope. NEW acceptance. NEW life.

And the battle is raging inside my precious boys heart. And there are just no words to describe how much it breaks my heart to see him struggle.

I so desperately want to be his mom. To be there for him when he needs me. To comfort him when he's upset. To understand him when he speaks to me.

And I ran to the foot of the cross with that ache and desperation and cried out to God...

"I don't want you to make this easier. Its not suppose to be easy.  Just love my boy through me, whatever it takes."

And then my boy walks in and sees me crying..."Momma, no cry." And he sat down with me and gave me a hug."

We then spent the next  hour translating back and forth.

Every.Single. Word. completely orchestrated by God.

He told me he loved me and that he wanted me to be his mother because I was so good to him and the others. He said that he wanted to take English courses when he goes back to Ukraine so that we can talk together without translate.

He then made me dinner-fish and vegetables and made my vegetables into the shape of a heart.

Oh my sweet precious boy. I will fight for you. Always. I am not afraid of the dark hard places. We will go through them TOGETHER. You are my SON.And I am your MOTHER. I will storm the gates of hell for you. Because you are WORTH it. So very worth it.

I translated the lyrics to this song for him tonight and told him it was our families song to him. It was the first time I have seen tears in his eyes.