"This will be one of those experiences true friends will rise and fake ones fall"
9 days from picking up our boy and THIS is the message I see in my inbox this morning from someone I thought was a friend...
"I understand that you are trying to follow God's plan for your family, but I don't feel like it is my responsibility to financially support your family's hope of adoption because you didn't have the funds. It was honestly one thing to me to be raising the hosting funds, but then the requests for gift cards for groceries and entertainment felt a bit over the line to me" (Her response was completely out of the blue, as I had sent her a message just checking in to see how she was doing.)
Ready. Set. Aim. The enemy's darts are flying. I should have expected it. Satan is NOT happy. And is trying to bring me down fast.
And I did shed some tears. It hurt. Really hurt.
For someone to sum up this whole journey as a means to beg for money, shattered my heart into.
Maybe you have felt that way by my posts lately? If so, I am sorry. I promise you we are doing our part to get our boy home!
But I also know the beauty in the body of Christ. Because I have seen it and have been so very blessed to be apart of it.
I have used my finances and talents to help bring children HOME to their forever families and there are no words to describe how it feels to see them, hug and play with them and know that God use ME to be apart of that story.
I have never once felt my adoptive friends were begging for my money. But rather God was begging me not to miss the BLESSING in being apart of their story.
The reality is adoption is expensive. And we can't do it alone.- Even though I have thought of selling a kidney to pay for it ;)
But it goes so far beyond finances. We need YOU. We need your prayers, encouragement, support.
Because we want V to know that it wasn't just our family that showed up at the gates of hell 'and fought for him to have a home and a family...
Most of you know we are hosting a 15 year old boy from the Ukraine this summer. And so many of you linked arms with us to help us get him here and words can not express how truly grateful we are for you!
In just TWO weeks. I will see my precious boy face to face. I will get to hug him. Laugh with him. Teach him new things. Get to know him.
In just two weeks, my boy will travel across the world to be apart of our byfamily for the summer. Its an honor that I can't quite put into words.
Its been an amazing journey this far. And I know the best is yet to come!
)
The events that have taken place the last few months to get us here so that he could be apart of our family THIS summer leave me speechless. Only God could have orchestrated THAT.
We were led to V THIS summer...Only God.
We bought a house THIS summer. (After waiting for 13 years)... Only God.
We found out the day we closed on our house that V was available for adoption... Only God.)
Seriously. God is AMAZING. Trust Him friends. He is so very faithful.
When we signed up to host " V" we found out that his birthday is the end of August which means he will " age" out of the system. Which means that this summer was his LAST chance to family
And God picked us. I am still trying to figure out why. ;) I like to think it's because He knew we were crazy enough to say Yes! Its surely not because we have it all together. Not hardly.
But this precious boy needs a home. A family. A place to belong. A place to become who he was created to be.
And so we said YES not just to hosting him for the summer...
We are saying YES to our boy FOREVER!!! :-D
Yep. The water is DEEP out here y'all. But I can see Jesus and He just keeps on whispering to keep our eyes on Him and to keep on walking. So here we go!! :-D
Now y'all know I hate asking for money. Seriously I would rather have my teeth pulled than start another fundraiser.
But because V will age out the end of August we have to start our home study NOW to put him on "hold". So time is not our friend right now : /
So we really do need the support of our family and friends right now more than ever!!
Here is the breakdown of our fees needed ASAP!
Home study: $1400
Agency Contract Fees $4950
It seems like a big HUGE mountain. And I am trying my best not to get discouraged because I know my God is FAITHFUL!
God loves V more than I ever could and wants nothing more than to place him in a forever family. Believing that today!
And we need our friends and family to PLEASE share our journey, support us pray for us and link arms with us in this time more than ever!!
Yep. Welcome....Smith Family- Party of 7 :-D
Sure am glad I bought that picnic table #seats8 Hmm ;)
When God first called me to this thing called homeschooling,
My oldest daughter Morgan was 5 and she was in Kindergarten at a local public
school.
I ignored that call for the entire year because I was
certain it was just NOT for me. But God is so patient and kept persuing my
heart until I finally said “Ok, if you want me to homeschool then YOU are going
to have to change my heart and give me a desire to do this because its
justnot there.”
He
answered that prayer and I began
homeschooling Morgan and then began to homeschool her sister and two
brothers.
It has been an adventure like no other. Ups and downs,
struggles, triumpths, life lessons, joy, frustration, impatience, giggles, and
so much more.
Homeschooling has taught me what it means to live my life
dependant upon my God because without Him there is no way I could do this day
in and day out. I am no supermom, I don’t have a magical cape hanging my closet and most days everything
does not get done. I fail and ask forgiveness daily. I am so thankful His mercy is
new every morning.
I honestly had no idea what I was signing up for when I finally said
Yes to that call. But I remember making a promise to God, A promise that I didn't fully understand at the time...
I promised Him that
I would homeschool my children until He called me to do otherwise.
And in MY plans that would be until they graduated high
school. I wrote those plans in my heart and carried them around with me and committed
to them. I was in this for the long haul and was happy and content with those
plans.
Then something shifted. A restlessness began down in my spirit. And a new season started to emerge.
The Lord began reminding me that “In
their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps”
and MY plans weren’t HIS plans in this season of our lives.
This girl of mine. She is so full of spunk, energy, and she
lights up a room the minute she walks into it. Everyone loves her and wants to
be around her. For the past 13 years of her life I have helped her learn new
things, cried with her when she has struggled and laughed with her until our sides hurt. I have stood helpless by her hospital bed as she fought for life. I have watched as she learns
how to love God and love other people. I have watched her grow into such a
beautiful young woman so full of life and love to give.
I have also began to watch her struggle with finding her own way,
standing in her own faith, discovering who she is in this world and what things interest her
and what makes her come alive. I have
seen this little girl of mine turn into a woman right before my very eyes. And
as a mother that is both a scary and beautiful time.
I am so thankful for this beautiful gift of being able
to really SEE my children. And hear their hearts cry. To be able to dig
deep and make tough decisions and to step aside and allow God to use them in
this world for His purposes and His glory. And today began that new journey for Morgan...
Words can’t describe how my heart feels in this moment. It
was so easy to say I trusted God with my children when I know where they are
and what they doing 99% of the time. But now? In this moment as I prepare to watch her
walk through those doors into the unknown…
My mind and heart is
full of so many emotions and questions. Is she going to be ok? How will she
deal with peer pressure? Will she make the right decisions? Will she choose the
right friends?
And the answer I received from heaven was a hard one for my momma heart to bear.
"Morgan will make mistakes, she will fail and she will do
the wrong thing sometimes. But as her mother you have to learn to give her
that choice. You have to give her the room to grow and learn to make those hard
choices and find HER faith in the midst of them.
You have poured my love into her and prepared her for this
day and now I need you to allow me to use her for my glory and
purposes even when it hurts and doesn’t make sense to you. I need you to trust
me..”
Oh my heart.
I know God has such incredible plans for Morgan. He has a mission
for her behind those doors and it is in this moment that I am truly learning
what it means to fully trust Him to guide her, protect her, love her and use
her for His glory and purposes.
And as I look back on this beautiful journey, I am so honored to have had the privilege of homeschooling Morgan for the past 7 years and even more blessed that I get to be this incredible young woman's mother.
And I am ready to embrace this new season of our lives that are sure to be full of new things, challenges, struggles, heartache, laughter and growth. And through it all this one thing will remain...
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful”
*If for some reason the video isnt working click on this link to watch*
Just as He was before, He will be Faithful to protect her, guide her, help her and
love her on this new journey. Never once will he leave her or allow her to walk
on her own. He is her Abba Father. And His plans are ALWAYS good. So very good.
Amen. * We have also applied for Maddie and Mason to attend SCA in the fall. And will know in March if they have been accepted. Please keep our family in your prayers as we adjust to so many new changes. My heart is breaking. But I am constanly being reminded that God is so very faithful and HIS plans are good.*
" Today, little ones allow my words to become REAL and PERSONAL in someone's life."
And packed inside these 5 little photo albums is scriptures personalized with each persons name. This is my favorite so far and I think we will continue to do this. There is just nothing more powerful than speaking God's word over someone so personally.
And if you would please keep these five special beautiful people in your prayers that they will come to know the Lord in a new and personal way.
We are technically a day behind since yesterday was Dec 1st but a sick toddler kept us from venturing out. So today will be our Day One and we know that God will be faithful to double up the blessings for someone ;)
And in case you missed my message about how all this came to be you can read it HERE
Today's Message:
"Today little ones, let's go warm up someone's body, heart and soul!" Love, Jesus
We began praying throughout the day about who we were to give to give this special gift too. And then we learned of a family a street over from us that had lost their one year old granddaughter a month ago( Her dad accidentally ran over her) So sad and heartbreaking!
We knew immediately this was the family we were to bless today. Maddie quietly laid the package against their mailbox and ran back to the car.
And if you would please join us in praying for this precious family. I can not even begin to imagine what this family must be going through. :(
I put my shoes and was getting ready to head out the door when my kids yelled out; "Mom! Where are you going?"
To which I replied "I am going to find Jesus!" Yea. That got me a few weird looks to say the least;-)
Our beloved Jesus statue( that we have had for years) had broken and I really wanted to replace it and thought for sure I could find a replacement especially this time of year. Right?
I pulled into the first store....
I thought for sure this store would have what I was looking for. I mean it has Christmas in the name of the store. I begin to walk through aisle after aisle. I found tons of santas, snowmen, decorations, lights and the list continues. But NO Jesus, not even a glimpse of Him.
And then went to 3 more stores only to be disappointed again. NO Jesus, NOTHING. Not even a glimpse.
My last stop was a Christian book store. SURELY Jesus will be here! An employee approached me and asked if I needed help and I told him what happened to our statue and asked if they had another one. He then looked at me as though I had two heads and said "Oh my. I don't think we have anything like that.
Sigh.
Jesus was no where to be found and it broke my heart. Christmas is all about HIM and yet it seems He has been completely pushed out and REPLACED.. How are others suppose to come to know the TRUE wonder of Christmas when there is not even a glimpse of Him anywhere to be found?
And it was in that moment that God began to breath something beautiful in my heart.
Christmas is not about STUFF. It's about PEOPLE. It's about COMMUNITY.
It's about BEING Jesus to those around us.
Because it's not about us FINDING Him.
It's about Him SEEKING us..
And He desires to do that through you and me.
And through that the
"Smith Family 25 days of Christmas" was born.
It's not a new concept really. But rather one I think we all need to be reminded of.
Every day we will do something that is blessing to someone else. Something that brings Jesus into someone's life.
Simple things. Random Things.
Things that will make even a small difference in the lives of those around us as so many are desperate for even just a glimpse of Him.
And to make this really come alive for my children. I decided to print out a photo of Jesus and attach His message of what He wanted us to do TOGETHER for the day.
And our prayer this Christmas season is that this will create a ripple effect in the lives around us and instead of Jesus having to be searched for or replaced. He will instead live out His presence through us...
Through these little acts of kindness and sharing His love and as we are faithful in the little things...
His presence will begin to draw others toward Him and they too will receive the TRUE meaning of CHRISTmas....
"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. " Isaiah 9:6
I have struggled. I have prayed. I have cried. I have
prayed. I have wrestled. I have prayed. I have knocked. I have prayed. All in
the name of ministry. No one told me stepping out in this radical calling would
be so hard and take everything I have. Oh the passion that consumes my soul.
The lives of so many young girls hang in the balance. They need hope. They need
healing. They need Jesus.
And I wanted to know WHY. Why aren’t these visions you gave
me happening? Why are other ministries growing while I feel like I am
constantly taking two steps forward only to fall again. Why Lord?
And through that still small voice I heard the Lord speak.
“Amanda,
how old is Broken Within? (It will be a year old next month Lord, so 11 months?)
“Right, and what is an 11 month old able to do? Are they able to walk? Run?
Speak? Some do, yes. But most are just learning to walk. Most wobble as they
take those first few steps. They see the prize on the other side and they want
with everything inside them to get to that goal, and so they stand and take a
few wobbly steps only to fall again. But they get back up and try again with so
much excitement you think they would burst.Sure there is frustration in not being able to run and get to the prize
quicker. But the process of learning to walk is sometimes more important than
the goal.
And the same is true with you my child. I notice every wobbly
step of faith you take. And I beam with proudness. I know that you want to
start running and someday you will be able too. But right now allow me to help
you learn to walk in this calling. Allow me to hold your hand and lead you to
where you need to go. Allow yourself and this ministry to mature in My timing
and trust that I birthed this ministry inside of you and I will bring it to
completion. "
Ah. What a sweet and precious moment with My Jesus. I am
sure people on the highway thought I was crazy with tears streaming down my
face. I didn’t care. My Jesus was there. He was real. He hadn’t forgotten me.
He hadn’t overlooked me. He hadn’t ignored my pleas. He wasn’t mad at me for
doubting. He had come. He had spoken right into the depths of my soul. And I
was ever so grateful.
The Lord has done such incredible things through Broken
Within these past 11 months and I have literally watched this baby of mine grow.
There have been times of sheer exhaustion. Times of wishing someone else would lighten my
load. So I could just rest. Times of rushing through those precious “baby”
moments to get to the bigger stuff. Oh but how I yearn to cherish the “in the
moment” with my “toddler”.
By watching God’s love encourage so many young girls.
Seeing real and authentic friendships being born. Allowing God’s hope and
healing transform lives. It’s not about me or the things I have done or will do
in this ministry.
It’s about JESUS. It’s all about Him.
And there is also YOU.
I have known from
the time God “conceived” BWM in my soul. That this ministry was never to be a
one woman show. That I could never do the things God was calling me to do
alone. I needed like-minded women to link arms with me and God has been so
faithful to send those women my way. BWM has welcomed writers, mentors and prayer
partners on our team. And what a treasure you are to me. Thank you for your
willingness to serve and make a difference in the lives of precious young
girls.
But I also know that not everyone is called to write, speak,
mentor or pray for this ministry but I do believe that everyone has a place in
this beautiful community and I want to give you an opportunity to invest if you
feel called to do so.
Up to this point I have avoided asking for financial help
for Broken Within projects. Until the Lord made it clear it’s not about money.
It’s about linking arms and giving YOU your place in this ministry. And It’s
about Real lives. Lives of precious young girls who so desperately need the
healing and hope of Jesus.
And in this season of Broken Within there are two (wobbly)
steps of faith the Lord is calling me to.
1st: To step out and start a Teen MOPS program
in the Triad. This will be the first Teen MOPS program in the Triad and the
second in the state of NC. The need is so great and as a former Teen Mom it is
an honor to step out and pour into the lives of these precious young moms and
encourage and equip them to take their place as mothers who pour into their
children with the love of Jesus. But in order to do that they first have to be
poured into. It will take a team of passionate women to run this program. But
the first step I need to take is to purchase the curriculum and pay for the charter
fee.
2nd To attend the She Speaks Conference in July.
I have known about this conference for a few years, but never felt called to
attend until this year. This is a season of growth for me and this ministry.
There is so much I have yet to learn about this calling. So much to learn about
investing, teaching, speaking and writing so that I can be better equipped to
pour into the precious young girls God places in my life. It would be such an
honor and blessing to attend this conference and receive all that God has in
store for me as I sit in His presence.
And to be able to take those first steps toward these two
callings. I will need to raise a total of $ 1,324.
·$400 for the Teen MOPS curriculum and charter
fee.
·$ 925 for the She Speaks Conference( Includes
Hotel, Pre Conference/Conference materials and Meals)
( You can learn more about these ministries in the links below.)
If you would like to link arms with me and invest in Broken
Within in this way you can do so here:
And know that YOU are so incredibly vital to me and the
lives of so many young girls that will be blessed by your gift. I can’t even begin
to describe the impact your gift will have in this ministry and from the bottom
of my heart; I want to say THANK YOU for choosing to join the BWM team in this
way! May God bless you!
mommyness, reclaiming hope for orphans, adoption, magic erasers, crayons that leave no marks!( then i would'nt need the magic eraser! lol), my coffee machine letting me know that my crack is ready:), capturing memories through a lens, encouraging through words, funky clothes, chocolate, hugs with a friend, giggles under the covers..gosh i could on and on...thats what the blog is for!! hehe!
I am honored to be a writer for the M.O.B Society! Click on the link to check it out!:)
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