There is PAIN. But there is PEACE

3 days.

Since I seen my boy's precious face.

3 days.

Since I have spoken him.

3 days is a LONG time ya'll. Especially when for 5 weeks he was glued to my side. And now he is halfway across the world with no way to contact him

. Oh my heart :-(


I did finally hear from someone  that V is safe at camp. Which I am so happy about. But that also means that the Wifi is very bad if any. And it may be next month before I hear from my boy. :-(

My heart is aching.

I miss His voice. His laughter. His smile.

We all do.

So many tears I shed daily. Pleading with God to bring him back home soon.

Morgan wraps herself in his blanket and sleeps in his bed every night now. My poor girl. She is missing her best friend :-(

Me and Adam have not slept  much the past few days. I wake up every time I hear the ding on my phone.

Praying its a message from our boy.


Our hearts have been ripped out our of chests and now lives halfway across the world. And we are grieving.

Trying to find our new normal. While desperately missing the old one.

Life just isn't the same without our boy.


And we are doing everything we can to bring him back HOME forever.

I have immersed myself in the adoption paperwork and fundraising. Using my broken heart as the driving force to bring my boy HOME.

We have three planned this month so far.

1. Garage Sale- August 9th
2. 31 Bingo Night-TBT
3. Parents Night Out- August 23rd

We have also had numerous friends offer to host fundraisers for us!

Currently running online fundraisers

Chole and Isabel Jewelry :. https://www.facebook.com/events/699924943420056/ ( My precious friend has offered to donate ALL commission and personally match money raised!)

If you have a fundraiser idea or would like to host a fundraiser for us PLEASE let me know!!

You can also donate online via our You Caring page: http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/smith-family-adoption-/213194/update/199676

Due to V's age we are having to moving very quickly with paperwork and raise the first half of the funds very quickly!


 And God is so FAITHFUL. He just continues to overwhelm us and  pour out His blessings upon our family.

He loves V more than we can ever imagine. And I have watched him pursue and love on my boy through us in such amazing and incredible ways.

There is PAIN.. But there is PEACE.

I know my God. I know His promises.And I have seen His faithfulness.

And because of that I am clinging to the promise that my boy WILL come HOME.

FOREVER.


"God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun"

Tears. Laughter. Miracle.

"A family that never opens their heart up is never heartbroken. A family that never opens their home up will never miss them when they leave. A family that never embraces life's risks never fully lives."

The car ride to Charlotte was one of the quickest car rides of my life. Never before has that ride went by so quick.

I wanted time to stand still. I wasn't ready to let my boy go.

Making eye contact in the mirror. Seeing that precious face smile back at me. Oh my heart.


How can I ever let him go?


Arriving at the airport was so very hard.  :-(

Oh the bond he shares. With each of our children. He is their BROTHER. There is no denying that.


We got into the airport and V started chatting with some of his  buddies. And we chatted with some other host families.

We then checked in his luggage and waited.

And I just watched him. His smile, His laughter. His precious soul. Oh my boy. How momma loves you.

We then heard "5 minute warning"...

And I lost it. The tears. Oh the tears.

V comes running over and starts hugging us over and over and kept saying " No cry momma. No cry"

I told him that I loved him, that he was so very special to us and that we were going to miss him so much. That we were his family always and that momma was going to come for him. I was going to fight for him. And bring him home forever.

I then seen my boy that was trying to so very hard to be strong and wouldn't allow himself to cry,  Fight back tears. And I just hugged him tight. And told him it was all going to be ok.

They then called for him to get in line and he gets halfway and then turns around and comes running back to hug us one last time. And said " I love and  miss you family"


As I watched him walk away, I felt a piece of my heart go with him. There is no words to describe what that feels like. It was seriously the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I wanted to run after him. But I couldn't. I had to let him go.

We then watch him walk through security  and he waves and smiles at us. And then he was gone.


Oh the tears. So many tears.

We had to stay at the airport until his flight took off. I just sat down and cried and started pleading with God to let me see my boy one more time. Just one more time.

I watched to see that orange shirt and black hat to come back around that corner. Pleading. Waiting.


Flight delayed. Praise you Jesus!


And then there he was! Looking for us. I jumped up and ran back to the banister. It was hard to be separated by practically a hallway and not be able to run to him! ;-( But he was smiling and waving.

 And then threw his arms up in the air and yelled " I love you my family!! " And we started blowing kisses back and forth. And he starts making hearts in the air. And saying " I love you momma" with his lips. Making all of us smile and laugh.


 Oh my sweet precious boy how momma loves you!


And then he was gone....


But it was just what my heart needed. V was not going to leave as long as he knew we were upset. He was going to bring laughter and joy to our hearts before he left. And that he did. Oh how I love him so.

I was ready to go...But God wasn't finished with this night ;-)


I began chatting with another host mom and she was asking what our next step was in this process. And I told her the first thing we need to do is file the form on the US side to keep him from aging out and that we needed to file in before he turns 16 which is the end of this month. And that we were just going to use all our savings to pay for it. Because I wanted it done. I couldn't risk not seeing my son again.

And she asks how much we need.  She then says oh I can take care of that. I will write you a check right now.

Ya'll. This momma hit that floor in the middle of the airport and just bawled like a baby! In that moment it wasn't about money.

It was my God showing up and whispering to my broken heart...


"V is coming back. I WILL bring your son HOME to you!"


So overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and goodness. V is so very much loved and my heart just swells with joy knowing that. A boy who once had no hope, no future, no family. Now has all of that and more.

Oh my goodness. God sure writes the BEST stories!! And this is only the beginning of this GLORIOUS UNFOLDING!! Amen.

If you would like to help support our journey of bringing V home forever you can do so here:

http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/smith-family-adoption-/213194

We are so very thankful for each and every one of you for your love, encouragement and support. I wish I could hug every one of you! From the bottom of our hearts thank you for loving on our family and our boy!!

Love,

Smith Family

I choose to be grateful

"You have a decision to make. You can be angry for the time you missed or grateful for the time you had"

A hundred times I have watched this movie.

 Every single time God speaks a new message.

This was mine in this season. My heart hurts. God spoke.

Newborn smell. Middle of the night feedings. Cuddles.

First tooth. First steps. First Word.

Big hugs. Snuggles. Holding my hand.

When I look at my boy. My heart aches. I have missed so much of his life.

I wasn't there to rock him at night, to stare into his little eyes and have him wrap his little finger around mine.

God was there.

I wasn't there when he got his first tooth or took his first steps.

God was there.

I wasn't there to take care of him when he got his first boo boo.

God was there.

I didn't get to tuck him in a night and tell him how much I loved him.

God did.

As much as it breaks my heart to know that I have missed out on so much of my boys life. So much that I will never get back. Never know.

I am grateful that Jesus has ALWAYS been there. Always loving my boy FOR me.

Preparing his precious heart to receive me as his Momma someday.

And now...

I have been incredibly BLESSED to watch him love on my boy THROUGH me.


I get to be the one who...

watches him read God's word.

  rubs head

watches him ride his bike

learns about his interests.

gets his hugs.

I had a decision to make. Be angry for the time I have missed with my boy or be grateful for the time I do have with him.

And I am choosing to be GRATEFUL. So very grateful.


So many firsts yet to be experienced with him. So many hugs left to give. So many memories waiting to be made.

And I am grateful.

So very grateful. That this precious boy now calls me...


MOM.

"A child born to another woman calls me Mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me"

Where do we go from here...

So many of you have been following our hosting journey of V and have prayed, supported and encouraged us during this journey and words can not express how THANKFUL we are for each of you. This boy is in our home this summer because of YOU! And we are so grateful.

V has been apart of our family now for TWO weeks. He fits so well in our family. Its like he was always suppose to be here. I really can't imagine life without him here : (

We have had SO much fun these last two weeks ( I promise I will do a recap post soon full of pictures! ) laughing until our stomachs hurt, learning new things, late night translating chats, dealing with hard stuff, shedding tears, and lots of hugs.

I have never felt Gods presence in my life as much as I have the last two weeks. He IS  here. On this journey WITH us.

Every.Single.Detail.

It is so incredible to watch God love someone so deeply through you. It takes my breath away.

I knew before I even met V, he was my SON and after I seen him coming down that escalator I seriously thought my heart would leap out my chest.

There was no denying it. God had sought out my boy, flew him across the ocean and placed him right in my arms. He was my boy and I was his momma!

And so a new journey has begun. The journey of bringing V home FOREVER. We don't want just 5 weeks out of the summer with our boy.

We want EVERY summer. EVERY fall. EVERY winter. EVERY spring. EVERY day. EVERY minute.

  We don't ever want to have to say goodbye again.

The journey to bring V home is a little different because of his age. V will turn 16 the end of August. Which means he will age out on the US side at that time.

Because of that we get to ask V if he wants our family to adopt and will do this sometime next week along with our adoption agency and a translator.

If he says YES we have to file a specific form to keep him from aging out. And this form will need to be filed two weeks before his birthday(which is the end of August)

So how can you pray for our family as we begin this new journey?

*Pray for V and his heart for the rest of our hosting experience and as he considers joining our family FOREVER.

*Pray for us, that God would continue to love our boy through us whatever it takes.

*Pray for the funds to file the form to keep V from aging out. It is $890 to file this form and it would be due around the 2nd week in August.

*Please pray for spiritual protection for our family. We can't storm the gates of hell for our boy and not expect a fight. The battle is REAL but the God of Angel Armies goes BEFORE us, BEHIND us and stands BESIDE us. He's got us covered!

There are MANY more steps we will take in this journey and these mark the beginning.

But it's TIME.

TIME to bring our boy home FOREVER!!

All of me...

I have went back and forth on whether to blog about our hosting experience. So many friends asking if I would so they could follow along.

And my biggest drawback was keeping up with it everyday. I do good to get photos and short summary on Facebook everyday.

And then today happened. And I felt God nudging me to share more in detail of this beautiful story. ALL of it.

It was one of the first tough days we have had in our hosting V. It wasn't a horrible day. Just a lot of uncomfortable stretching for us both.

Testing. Resistance. Withdraw.

That was pretty much the pattern with V today. He tested my limits. I stayed firm in my word. He resisted it and withdrew.

And I was getting mentally and physically  exhausted and I had to constantly ask God to put myself in his shoes...

What if I...

Was in a new country. Surrounded by people speaking a foreign language at me and around me all day. Leaving all my friends and freedoms. Learning what it means to live in a family. Feeling loved and accepted for the first time.

BATTLE.

That's what my boy is feeling. He's struggling between clinging to all he's ever known and this embracing this NEW love. NEW hope. NEW acceptance. NEW life.

And the battle is raging inside my precious boys heart. And there are just no words to describe how much it breaks my heart to see him struggle.

I so desperately want to be his mom. To be there for him when he needs me. To comfort him when he's upset. To understand him when he speaks to me.

And I ran to the foot of the cross with that ache and desperation and cried out to God...

"I don't want you to make this easier. Its not suppose to be easy.  Just love my boy through me, whatever it takes."

And then my boy walks in and sees me crying..."Momma, no cry." And he sat down with me and gave me a hug."

We then spent the next  hour translating back and forth.

Every.Single. Word. completely orchestrated by God.

He told me he loved me and that he wanted me to be his mother because I was so good to him and the others. He said that he wanted to take English courses when he goes back to Ukraine so that we can talk together without translate.

He then made me dinner-fish and vegetables and made my vegetables into the shape of a heart.

Oh my sweet precious boy. I will fight for you. Always. I am not afraid of the dark hard places. We will go through them TOGETHER. You are my SON.And I am your MOTHER. I will storm the gates of hell for you. Because you are WORTH it. So very worth it.



I translated the lyrics to this song for him tonight and told him it was our families song to him. It was the first time I have seen tears in his eyes. 

Ready. Set. Aim.

"This will be one of those experiences true friends will rise and fake ones fall"

9 days from picking up our boy and THIS is the message I see in my inbox this morning from someone I thought was a friend...

"I understand that you are trying to follow God's plan for your family, but I don't feel like it is my responsibility to financially support your family's hope of adoption because you didn't have the funds. It was honestly one thing to me to be raising the hosting funds, but then the requests for gift cards for groceries and entertainment felt a bit over the line to me"

(Her response was completely out of the blue, as I had sent her a message just checking in to see how she was doing.)

Ready. Set. Aim. The enemy's darts are flying. I should have expected it. Satan is NOT happy. And is trying to bring me down fast.

And I did shed some tears. It hurt. Really hurt.

For someone to sum up this whole journey as a means to beg for money, shattered my heart into.

Maybe you have felt that way by my posts lately? If so, I am sorry. I promise you we are doing our part to get our boy home!

But I also know the beauty in the body of Christ. Because I have seen it and have been so very blessed to be apart of it.

I have used my finances and talents to help bring children HOME to their forever families and there are no words to describe how it feels to see them, hug and play with them and know that God use ME to be apart of that story. 

I have never once felt my  adoptive friends were begging for my money. But rather God was begging me not to miss the BLESSING in being apart of their story.

The reality is adoption is expensive. And we can't do it alone.- Even though I have thought of selling a kidney to pay for it ;)

But it goes so far beyond finances. We need YOU. We need your prayers, encouragement, support.

Because we want V to know that it wasn't just our family that showed up at the gates of hell 'and fought for him to have a home and a family...

It was the LOVE of an entire of body of Christ.

Amen?

Smith Family- Party of SEVEN!

Most of you know we are hosting a 15 year old boy from the Ukraine  this summer. And so many of you linked arms with us to help us get him here and words can not express how truly grateful we are for you!

In just TWO weeks. I will see my precious boy face to face. I will get to hug him. Laugh with him. Teach him new things. Get to know him.

In just two weeks, my boy will travel across the world to be apart of our byfamily for the summer. Its an honor that I can't quite put into words.

Its been an amazing journey this far. And I know the best is yet to come!
)

The events that have taken place the last few months to get us here so that he could be apart of our family THIS summer leave me speechless. Only God could have orchestrated THAT.

We were led to V THIS summer...Only God.

We bought a house THIS summer. (After waiting for 13 years)... Only God.

We found out the day we closed on our house that V was available for adoption... Only God.)

Seriously. God is AMAZING. Trust Him friends. He is so very faithful.

When we signed up to host " V" we found out that his birthday is the end of August which means he will " age" out of the system. Which means that this summer was his LAST chance to family

And God picked us. I am still trying to figure out why. ;) I like to think it's because He knew we were crazy enough to say Yes! Its surely not because we have it all together. Not hardly.

But this precious boy needs a home. A family. A place to belong. A place to become who he was created to be.

And so we said YES not just to hosting him for the summer...

We are saying YES to our boy FOREVER!!! :-D

Yep. The water is DEEP out here y'all. But I can see Jesus and He just keeps on whispering to keep our eyes on Him and to keep on walking.  So here we go!! :-D

Now y'all know I hate asking for money. Seriously I would rather have my teeth pulled than start another fundraiser.

But because V will age out the end of August we have to start our home study NOW to put him on "hold". So time is not our friend right now : /

So we really do need the support of our family and friends right now more than ever!!

Here is the breakdown of our fees needed ASAP!

Home study: $1400
Agency Contract Fees $4950

It seems like a big HUGE mountain. And I am trying my best not to get discouraged because I know my God is FAITHFUL!

God loves V more than I ever could and wants nothing more than to place him in a forever family. Believing that today!

And we need our friends and family to PLEASE  share our journey, support us pray for us and link arms with us in this time more than ever!!


Yep. Welcome....Smith Family- Party of 7 :-D

Sure am glad I bought that picnic table #seats8 Hmm ;)


Donate to our Adoption Fund here: