I choose to be grateful

"You have a decision to make. You can be angry for the time you missed or grateful for the time you had"

A hundred times I have watched this movie.

 Every single time God speaks a new message.

This was mine in this season. My heart hurts. God spoke.

Newborn smell. Middle of the night feedings. Cuddles.

First tooth. First steps. First Word.

Big hugs. Snuggles. Holding my hand.

When I look at my boy. My heart aches. I have missed so much of his life.

I wasn't there to rock him at night, to stare into his little eyes and have him wrap his little finger around mine.

God was there.

I wasn't there when he got his first tooth or took his first steps.

God was there.

I wasn't there to take care of him when he got his first boo boo.

God was there.

I didn't get to tuck him in a night and tell him how much I loved him.

God did.

As much as it breaks my heart to know that I have missed out on so much of my boys life. So much that I will never get back. Never know.

I am grateful that Jesus has ALWAYS been there. Always loving my boy FOR me.

Preparing his precious heart to receive me as his Momma someday.

And now...

I have been incredibly BLESSED to watch him love on my boy THROUGH me.


I get to be the one who...

watches him read God's word.

  rubs head

watches him ride his bike

learns about his interests.

gets his hugs.

I had a decision to make. Be angry for the time I have missed with my boy or be grateful for the time I do have with him.

And I am choosing to be GRATEFUL. So very grateful.


So many firsts yet to be experienced with him. So many hugs left to give. So many memories waiting to be made.

And I am grateful.

So very grateful. That this precious boy now calls me...


MOM.

"A child born to another woman calls me Mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me"

Where do we go from here...

So many of you have been following our hosting journey of V and have prayed, supported and encouraged us during this journey and words can not express how THANKFUL we are for each of you. This boy is in our home this summer because of YOU! And we are so grateful.

V has been apart of our family now for TWO weeks. He fits so well in our family. Its like he was always suppose to be here. I really can't imagine life without him here : (

We have had SO much fun these last two weeks ( I promise I will do a recap post soon full of pictures! ) laughing until our stomachs hurt, learning new things, late night translating chats, dealing with hard stuff, shedding tears, and lots of hugs.

I have never felt Gods presence in my life as much as I have the last two weeks. He IS  here. On this journey WITH us.

Every.Single.Detail.

It is so incredible to watch God love someone so deeply through you. It takes my breath away.

I knew before I even met V, he was my SON and after I seen him coming down that escalator I seriously thought my heart would leap out my chest.

There was no denying it. God had sought out my boy, flew him across the ocean and placed him right in my arms. He was my boy and I was his momma!

And so a new journey has begun. The journey of bringing V home FOREVER. We don't want just 5 weeks out of the summer with our boy.

We want EVERY summer. EVERY fall. EVERY winter. EVERY spring. EVERY day. EVERY minute.

  We don't ever want to have to say goodbye again.

The journey to bring V home is a little different because of his age. V will turn 16 the end of August. Which means he will age out on the US side at that time.

Because of that we get to ask V if he wants our family to adopt and will do this sometime next week along with our adoption agency and a translator.

If he says YES we have to file a specific form to keep him from aging out. And this form will need to be filed two weeks before his birthday(which is the end of August)

So how can you pray for our family as we begin this new journey?

*Pray for V and his heart for the rest of our hosting experience and as he considers joining our family FOREVER.

*Pray for us, that God would continue to love our boy through us whatever it takes.

*Pray for the funds to file the form to keep V from aging out. It is $890 to file this form and it would be due around the 2nd week in August.

*Please pray for spiritual protection for our family. We can't storm the gates of hell for our boy and not expect a fight. The battle is REAL but the God of Angel Armies goes BEFORE us, BEHIND us and stands BESIDE us. He's got us covered!

There are MANY more steps we will take in this journey and these mark the beginning.

But it's TIME.

TIME to bring our boy home FOREVER!!

All of me...

I have went back and forth on whether to blog about our hosting experience. So many friends asking if I would so they could follow along.

And my biggest drawback was keeping up with it everyday. I do good to get photos and short summary on Facebook everyday.

And then today happened. And I felt God nudging me to share more in detail of this beautiful story. ALL of it.

It was one of the first tough days we have had in our hosting V. It wasn't a horrible day. Just a lot of uncomfortable stretching for us both.

Testing. Resistance. Withdraw.

That was pretty much the pattern with V today. He tested my limits. I stayed firm in my word. He resisted it and withdrew.

And I was getting mentally and physically  exhausted and I had to constantly ask God to put myself in his shoes...

What if I...

Was in a new country. Surrounded by people speaking a foreign language at me and around me all day. Leaving all my friends and freedoms. Learning what it means to live in a family. Feeling loved and accepted for the first time.

BATTLE.

That's what my boy is feeling. He's struggling between clinging to all he's ever known and this embracing this NEW love. NEW hope. NEW acceptance. NEW life.

And the battle is raging inside my precious boys heart. And there are just no words to describe how much it breaks my heart to see him struggle.

I so desperately want to be his mom. To be there for him when he needs me. To comfort him when he's upset. To understand him when he speaks to me.

And I ran to the foot of the cross with that ache and desperation and cried out to God...

"I don't want you to make this easier. Its not suppose to be easy.  Just love my boy through me, whatever it takes."

And then my boy walks in and sees me crying..."Momma, no cry." And he sat down with me and gave me a hug."

We then spent the next  hour translating back and forth.

Every.Single. Word. completely orchestrated by God.

He told me he loved me and that he wanted me to be his mother because I was so good to him and the others. He said that he wanted to take English courses when he goes back to Ukraine so that we can talk together without translate.

He then made me dinner-fish and vegetables and made my vegetables into the shape of a heart.

Oh my sweet precious boy. I will fight for you. Always. I am not afraid of the dark hard places. We will go through them TOGETHER. You are my SON.And I am your MOTHER. I will storm the gates of hell for you. Because you are WORTH it. So very worth it.



I translated the lyrics to this song for him tonight and told him it was our families song to him. It was the first time I have seen tears in his eyes.